Thursday, March 13, 2008

32 & in the Closet

I am 32 and I am still in the closet. why? because I am an Indian.

Its not a comfortable position to be gay and to be Indian at the same time. I grew up acting straight and I am still acting so. Its like living the life of a schizophrenic. At times you just want to retreat into your own world, hide behind a wall and shout your heart out.

It was fine when i was growing up, ogling girls at school with my friends everyday was an achievement, as if I have beaten the strange feeling inside me. A feeling that I don't fit and it was becoming acute. I could not discuss this with anyone, once the secret is out - my life would have changed forever, for worse. so 15 years I kept myself hidden buried in the worries of my pathetic-self.

Giving expression to my past is like breaking the shackles of my memories and coming out free. I will be writing here on the topics that are close to me, gay men and for liberating the Indian community from the curse of homophobia.